Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You can't motorboat a personality
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
