hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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