Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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