Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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