i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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