i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
