i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
