Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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