So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
