love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
