I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize