There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
