So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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