Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
