I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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