"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
