It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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