Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just high enough for therapy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
