I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
