i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
