Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
