This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize