so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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