It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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