I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
