I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize