We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
