she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
