Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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