so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
