If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
