I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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