But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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