I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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