Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
