But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
