U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
