i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize