Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
