He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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