thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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