Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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