the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
