Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize