i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
