I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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