grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
