Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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