fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
