Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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