Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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