HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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