I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
