Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
