hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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