there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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