throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
