peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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