The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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