i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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