i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude i'm inner monologue high
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
accomplished twins. life is a go
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
