mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
