I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
