life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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