i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
