Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
