You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
