He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
