my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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