I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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