11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize