I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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