but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
