There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
