She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize