while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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