Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
