He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
