I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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