Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
