I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please don't give away my fajitas
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
