Someone shit on the floor
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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