your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
