is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
