i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So much Jack, so little girl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
