Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
