Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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