Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
